• Tori The Double Pisces

Simmer Down, Mercury Ain't the Only Thing in Retrograde...

Retrogrades Abound!

Yes, everyone blames poor Mercury, happily Retrograding in Leo so we can all be dramatic and get that one cup that looks like this...

And you can find this gem at Etsy.com.

But I'd like to officially announce, that as of right now, this'll be my only post about Mercury Retrograde (unless something major is happening, IE like right now) because the sh*t Retrogrades about four times a year and this is not the first rodeo for anyone with Merc Rx. We all know that communication gets skewed, don't sign contacts, don't buy cars, electronics break, car accidents happen, and people say some sh*t they probably shouldn't have said.

Actually, at this point, I could probably end the post.

But alas, like the title mentions, Mercury ain't the only thing in Retrograde. Actually, there are six little MF's in Retro. Additionally, Venus will go Retrograde this fall, and we'll talk about that then. Mercury makes Thanksgiving a f*ckery by retrograding itself through that.

Plus we can never forget the Shadowpoint, which means there's pretty much Retrograde afterbirth to contend with. I never understood Shadowpoint. I always felt that after almost a month of that drama we all needed to get back to our lives, so I sort of blow if off unless I'm doing something important like buying a house or taking a world cruise, because that happens everyday.

But for those of you who like it hard core, here's some tidbits I found on google about Merc Rx...

So pretty much what I said.

Without turning this into a thesis, let's chat briefly about what a Retrograde REALLY is and what planets are having this party right now, and what it means for you. Some we've talked about in depth in other blog posts. But you can use this as your cheat sheet since with Merc and Mars RX ain't no one got no time for reading.

A Retrograde: A planet does not actually move backwards. Really, what's happening is the Earth is speeding up, making the planet "Retrograding" by giving the illusion that it is going backwards because it is moving slower. Like when you're on the highway and you're going faster that the ass next to you who won't let you in the lane so you have to slide over and gun it. So you speed up, and said ass driver falls behind. Got it? Excellent.

So here are the other planets getting down with Mercury in Retrograde right now. I won't go into detail, as we have already discussed them in other blogs. Feel free to browse around the site and have a good read, if you got time for that.

I feel badly for any baby born this summer. I'm glad I will be retired by the time they need an astrologer.

Again, ain't nobody got time...

Mars in Capricorn and Aquarius from 6/26/18-8/27/18

So you know I like to get personal from time to time. Or all of the time. I knew I was a slave to this little ditty when I almost got into a fist fight with some guy at Midway Airport, shouted that I "wasn't afraid to go to jail," in a car park full of people. Am I just crazy? Yes. But that's not what set off my blind fury. The driver of the car that I believe that he just got out of hit me with said car and then proceeded to tell me that it was my fault, so I punched her window.

I already have a good amount of Mars influence in my chart so a epic tantrum is something I'm not a stranger to. But a week later I learn that Mars is Retrograding on my Midheaven (the top of the chart, where everyone can see you), squaring (causing conflict) to my natal (birth) Mars by sign (Taurus...with the biggest temper in the Zodiac.)

Bad bad bad. On a normal day I just would have given her the finger and told her to f*ck off. But a Retrograding Mars turns up the heat on something that is already hotheaded, and those who start the drama usually lose according to Lynn Koiner. (See Mars RX Blog for that.) So I hand my purse to my triple Capricorn (Sun, Moon, and Rising) Husband, who is either mortified, has become accustomed to this, or both, and head off to seek my vengeance. I'm then reminded I have a flight to catch to see my Scorpio friend who wants to know why I didn't actually go through with knocking the car window out. (Self explanatory.)

Sadly, it's because she drove away.

So what's the moral of the story? Simmer down with your Mars. It's not worth it. At the end of the day whatever was so big that you turned into the Hulk isn't that big of a deal after all, an no one really cares, except maybe the police. Think first, act after, the reverse of what Mars usually does. Make a mental note of that, especially while Mercury joins Mars in slowing down together. Accidents and tempers don't make for a pretty combo. They make for sh*t shows, and as we started, ain't nobody got time for that.

Saturn in Capricorn from 4/8/18-9/6/18

So we should all pretty much be used to this. Our saving grace is that Saturn is at home in Capricorn, making our lessons a little less of a bitter pill to swallow. I've talked before about how Saturn and its karmic lessons and what have you. But something I didn't think of before, this is a time when Saturn can teach you about time and money by taking it away from you, or giving so much of it to you that you don't know what to do with it. You must learn to budget, and who better of a teacher than Saturn to school you on that. There's about five more weeks of class, so get your moneys worth because Christmas is coming and that's a lesson that'll come in handy on Black Friday. Or Cyber Monday for those of us who don't like being trampled in stampedes or having to pee while waiting in long lines in the cold.

Uranus in Taurus from 8/7/18-1/6/19

This combo hasn't happened since The Great Depression, so I'm told. Uranus, the planet that takes order and turns it into chaos in the sign of money, Retrograde. You can do the math and start stuffing cash in your mattress, or you can think ahead.

With a coinciding Mercury Shadowpoint, I'd watch that debit card, and more so who is watching you watching your debit card. I'd check that bank balance on the daily online, and count every penny. Is your direct deposit right? You can never be too careful when it comes to your coin, but that's just being prudent.

While some of the world give the finger to Crypto Currencies, I've seen my little piece of that pie grow $2k BEFORE the Retrograde. Should I sell before the 7th in case it crashes? Or wait it out until my Husband's January birthday because I think those babies are going to blow up. Did you know you can buy sh*t on Overstock.com with Bitcoin? That's a pretty average site for pretty average people, and they'll happily take your Bitcoin. And even though initial investors took a hit, and may do it again with this RX, I don't see a Depression, I see a financial revolution.

I will cherish my 1/8 of Bitcoin, or whatever I bought, wisely.

Neptune in Pisces from 6/18/18-11/24/18

Neptune is at home in Pisces, so everyone is psychic from Summer through Thanksgiving. Other Water Signs, watch yourselves and work on your grounding skills, you'll catch it too when Neptune trines (good aspect) your Sun. That thing you saw out of the corner of your eye? It was real. Your gut tells you the person you're talking with is an ass? They are. Just remember that during a Neptune RX it's very easy to retreat into yourself with your couch and pillow fort and not come out until the Turkey is served. You can't do that. It's not real life. But neither is Neptune. So spend the nights in your fort and the days with your ear buds going and you should be able to survive just fine.

Pluto in Capricorn from 4/22/18-9/30/18

Oddly, I move shortly after this RX ends. But Pluto brings regeneration and change. In it's RX, it's brings that change to you directly like a GrubHub order, complete with crazy service charge and mandatory tip.

Since this transformation for us all has been going on since spring, and we're about over half way done, how have you changed? I'm apparently punching cars at airports and having this incredible urge to purge, but I need a wise Capricorn, Virgo, Aries, or Scorpio to help me get this crap out of here. They need to pull things from my clutching, Taurus ruled hands. But for the first time, the desire to downsize is starting to consume the consumer. I like stuff. I've said it before. I own the notion. Stuff is awesome. But it should be the quality of the stuff, not the quantity. Thank you, Pluto for my transformation. (And you too, Saturn.)

And for reintroducing me to The Law of Attraction. That sh*t is rad. I manifested shoes I can't wear because they hurt. But they're awesome. (Pisces-Shoes, Fancy Stuff-Taurus) So I may just sell them, (Saturn) and use the money to hire painters for my new bathroom so it looks like it came out of a hotel. (A request made by my husband.)

Yeah, the shoes cost that much. I know, I know...that's why we learn our lessons and change.

Or any planet in Retrograde, for that matter.

Coming up, Venus goes Retrograde in Libra and Scorpio from 10/5/18-11/16/18. So that'll be fun for couples that keep breaking up and making up and lost loves the world over.

Mercury dips out of 2018 Retrograding from 11/16/18-12/6/18. Scorpios don't get a birthday break this year. Jeesh. We all know how that story goes, so let's leave it at that.

I do have a disclaimer that if there are any typos (which I'm sure there are) that I missed that it's Mercury Retrograde and that I am a writer, not an editor. So...that's that. (My Trip-Cap Husband found most of them. I can't see the forest for the trees.)

Props and Snaps to:

* www.LynnKoiner.com

* www.refinery29.com

* www.bustle.com

* https://kelleyrosano.com (I think I want to be this woman when I grow up.)

* Google.com for random memes

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